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A few weeks ago, I was walking my chocolate lab Toby, or shall I say he was walking me. He’s 105 lbs. and I’m a softie for whom “dog trainer” would be a poor career choice. I wanted to go in one direction, he wanted to go in another, so I let him have the “win” and I’m glad I did on this particular day.

Toby pulled me toward a box of books with a FREE sign on it. I perused the titles and immediately zeroed in on a short book titled Taking the Leap, Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears by Pema Chodron. The title of this essay came from a short passage in this book that spoke to me. She shared that someone once sent her a bone-shaped dog tag that you could wear on a cord around your neck, it said, “Sit. Stay. Heal”. Chodron contends that we can heal ourselves and the world by training in this way.

Chodron is a Buddhist nun. She sees working on the self and becoming more conscious of our own minds and emotions as perhaps the only way to find solutions that address the welfare of all beings and the survival of the earth itself. A few years ago, I had come to a similar conclusion. Ever since I embraced what I believe to be a universal truth, I have been endeavoring to crawl out of the dysfunction and “stuff” that tethered me to a half-life for nearly half my life.

Throughout my adult life, an inner voice regularly spoke to me of pursuits that would bring more fulfillment. Whenever that voice would speak up, I would give it a stern lecture. I had so much compared to so many. Fulfillment seemed a selfish pursuit when there is so much suffering in the world. My inner voice would retreat to a corner of my soul darker than the one that urged it to speak up. The combination of a toxic marriage and these internal dialogues that went on for well over two decades left me completely and utterly drained. Did you ever see the 1992 film Bram Stoker’s Dracula?  The character played by Keanu Reeves is imprisoned in the dungeon of Dracula’s castle. She-vampires feed on him for months, perhaps years – taking only enough to leave him in a weakened, helpless state. It sounds dramatic but now that I have freed myself from that half-life, I reflect on the life I was living, and that scene often comes to mind.  I didn’t know I was so unhappy until I wasn’t.

Through meditation, yoga, and journaling I began to realize how deeply unhappy I was. All the angst was bubbling up to the surface. One  February 2021 morning, I came across a quote in my Franklin Planner that brought me to tears:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ― Howard Thurman

That winter morning and that quote during that period of angst was a pivotal moment that gave me the courage to uproot my life and earnestly pursue fulfillment. The internal realization that fulfillment was not just for me but also for the betterment of society and the world motivated me to choose life. It was a VERY hard and painful two years. Childhood experiences and observations hardwired me to be a martyr. I was often tempted to  maintain the status quo but when I was tempted, I reminded myself that being the best version of myself was my responsibility to the world.

Imagine a world where we are ALL the best versions of ourselves. We would be kind; we would make conscious choices and lift one another up. Liars would stop lying, cheaters would stop cheating, the power hungry would lose their appetites. Being the best version of yourself fuels joy; joy fuels creativity, collaboration and unity. If we can unite and hold the vision of a healed planet, the planet will heal.

To heal the planet, we must heal ourselves. To heal ourselves, we must uncover the dysfunctions that reside within us all. The things that trigger us are clues to the dysfunction. When we are triggered, we tend to go to the same “places” and in doing so we perpetuate unhealthy behaviors, thought patterns and even aggression. While the outrage may be perfectly justified, outrage fuels more aggression. We must break the patterns. We need to sit, stay and heal. Before reacting, sit with what triggers us. Notice how the triggers make us feel physiologically. Stay with the discomfort and take a few mindful breaths. Over time, the practice of consistently noticing the triggers will free us from the habitual responses that limit us so that we can truly heal.

While I wasn’t using the sit-stay-heal label, the process described above and the motivation to help the world by helping myself  is how  I escaped my half-life. I started noticing my go-to thoughts and reactions and over time, the process of observation  freed me from a deeply rooted attachment to highly dysfunctional habits and fears. I’ve always believed in the power of vibrational frequencies. My angst-ridden half-life had a very low vibration that wasn’t serving me or the world.

With every fiber of my being, I believe that the solution for humanity and our planet resides within each individual and the global pursuit of our best selves. Only in holding ourselves accountable to this pursuit, can we be the change  we want to see in the world.

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